Deaf girl in a hearing world

Anonymous asked: do you find it offensive if somebody wants to sign with you just for practice?

No, why would I? Everyone got to start somewhere! :D To become good and comfortable at signing you need to practice. Even better… Signing with a deaf person you learn more deaf awareness, culture, regional difference etc… 

:D

P.s. I find it annoying when its a hearing person wanting to learn rude words only.. its disrespectful!

Anonymous asked: Since your hearing has deteriorated to profoundly Deaf, only recently, can you hear in your dreams?

I don’t hear but I remember sounds… if that makes sense. I’m phsyically unable to hear sounds

I’ve used this blog to get my feelings, my experiences about being deaf out of my head. I spoke in the past about how I disliked being deaf… HELL I even hated it at times! But unfortunately I didn’t have a healthy outlet for my negative feelings ten years ago. I didn’t know how to communicate this to people who were hearing. I could have talked but I wanted someone or need someone who truly understood me, have an understanding of being deaf, experience the frustration of day to day stuff. I was being bullied all the way through social so I was used to negativity. So to deal with this, I turned to self harming.

The rationale behind this was to take control of the pain I was feeling after all it’s my body, so no one can inflict pain on me but me. Self-harming was also to punish myself, I saw my deafness as something that was my fault for example “I used to think me being bullied was my fault, because I was deaf”, everything that went wrong in life was a result of my deafness. My self- harming was a comfort, it made me feel alive.

I guest the reason for writing this is that I’ve found a peom I wrote nearly ten years ago… Here it is!

As my pain gathers,
whether it’s small or large,
soon it will overflow.
Rendering me to detach myself from people,
becoming numb to my surrounding.
I needed to feel …

As the crimson flows, against the pale,
my pain ebbs away.
I’ ve gain my peace and able to feel again,
but only for a short time.
The torment always returns,
punishing me for my peace, that Ive sought.

How can something that feels so right to me,
could be wrong.
It’s a no win win situation.
Its my pleasure but its my pain too.

People don’t seem to understand the logic behind it, but at times I didn’t understand it myself but it just felt right.

People may be disgusted by it, or don’t understand it… I’m not asking you to! Don’t pity me, feel sorry for me, or think I’m stupid for doing it in the first place. I been on a long journey to get to where I am today and my scars are simply my road makings. They remind me of who I used to be and how far I come! And more importantly I am not ashamed!

Recently I have become so proud of my friend’s for their Deaf awareness and support. I’ve noticed the difference between communicating with people with and without deaf awareness, and it’s more difficult with people who have no deaf awareness. The simplest thing of getting my attention, looking towards me when speaking makes a big difference on my level of understanding. (But for some people it’s too hard to do)

My friends now need minimal encouragement/reminding to look at me, not obstruct their mouths, speak clearly, or put subtitles on. HELL they’re even downloading films with subtitles from the internet!! They show good level of understanding or compassion when I’m having difficulties such as broken aids, ear infections or even listening to me when I need  to have a little moan about being deaf. They ensure that others gain some knowledge in deaf awareness, after all our social group is expanding and it’s important.

Honestly I’m grateful for my friends and for the first time in my life I feel that I can trust them to still be around if my hearing were to deteriorate even more.

Without my friends and family I would never be where I am now and that is DEAF AND PROUD!  With their love and support I am able to be comfortable in my skin and with who I am. I no longer look at deafness as a disability but deaf gain! (Reference from switched at birth).

Growing up I felt that deafness was a disability, a weakness, that I was broken and needed fixing but could never be fixed or even normal. How wrong was I??!!?? I would never allow anyone to make me feel this way again! Anyway…. What is normal??

I am perfect just the way I am, right down to my ears!

 My perfect ears that can give me peace and quiet…. Haha!!!   

Anonymous asked: ♡ (not too late, am I?)

Depends……. Who are you? =D